One Fine Day


The work of an evil despot is never done.

How many mornings must I awaken to spit at the dawn? How many babies must I dump from their cradles? How many churches must I put to the torch? It’s never enough.

It all becomes tiresome after a while.

Oh, I am so sick of being evil.

“How many kittens must I strangle, Bradly?”

“…um… seven, Master?”

“No, no. That was rhetorical.”

“What, Master?”

“Nevermind. Look, I don’t feel like raping the prisoners today. Would you handle that?”

The hunched little man eyed me suspiciously, wondering what the catch was, I suppose.

“…as… as my Master commands…”

“It’s not a reward, Bradly- it’s a punishment. It’s more evil if I make you do it. I’m too attractive to really inspire horror.”

He brightened, slicking his greasy black hair out of his pockmarked face with filthy fingernails.

“Oh, I see Master. VERY evil yes. I am quite hideous.”

“Good. off you go then… I mean MUWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!”

“Very good, master.”

The ugly troll of a man limped off, dragging the leg I’d broken in a feigned fit of rage once when it had seemed appropriate. it had never healed correctly.

No doctors in my realm.

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