“My fellow delegates,” the president of the Eurasian Union began in addressing the General Assembly of the United Nations of the world, “esteemed prime minister of the United States of North America and the president of the United States of South America, premier of the Greater East Asian Wellness Coalition, I stand before you today to speak of the last vestige of the last major war. I stand before you to insist that the world can no longer wait for this vestigial appendix to wither away and collapse. Oceania Airstrip One, as England has called itself since coalescing into a totalitarian hermit nation in the wake of the last great war, can no longer be left to its own devices to oppress its own people, to starve them, to control their minds with fantastic lies. This island, sealed off from the world, has too long been placated to and allowed to continue its “INGSOC” programme of the brainwashing of an entire population. At this moment an English citizen is being tortured, at this moment sadistic INGSOC scientists are working toward removing any pleasure from life, at this moment, the English language itself is being whittled away into meaninglessness.
“English women are told lies as if they were truth, English men hurl shoes and shriek at an image of Emmanuel Goldstein, English children are required to report their own parents, at least insofar long as the family still exists in this INGSOCked wasteland of a society. Since Hitler’s attempt to invade England devolved into letting of blood during the second English Civil War, the INGSOC party has woven the most elaborate tableau of lies ever conceived by a human organization. They have invented figures like “Big Brother,” brazenly using imagery closely resembling Josef Stalin, whom no one recognizes, as INGSOC has murdered off the Old Guard of their own party as well as the population. Every moment of an English citizen’s life is monitored closely and controlled. Nothing escapes the all-seeing eyes of “Big Brother.”
My fellow delegates of the free nations of the world, the situation here is one we could continue to ignore. Oceania Airstrip One is no threat to any nation. Their economy is in ruins and they would have been embargoed and blockaded into absolute isolation, had they not sealed themselves off as completely as a human could imagine. We could look the other way while children raised under the INGSOC government of England are told that their rations are being increased while they are being decreased. We could look the other way while citizens of this once great bastion of juridical thought are beaten into agreeing to whatever the INGSOC party insists, no matter how impossible. We have a moral obligation to confront this evil.
I ask the nations of the world to join me in passing a resolution, here, today, in this very General Assembly, to confront Oceania Airstrip One with the combined military force of the world. I assure you that this meets every criterion for a just war. There is no aggression worse than that faced by Englishmen at the hands of INGSOC, there are no other means of ending the oppression as INGSOC will not even pretend to negotiate with any other country, the use of arms against Airstrip One could not possibly produce greater evil than that which already smothers it by the second. We, as the nations of the free world, have committed ourselves to good and though we loathe war, there is no greater cause left than liberating the oppressed people of this hermit country, this rogue state which does not even respect its own population.
I thank you for your time and I pray that you will join us in this absolutely necessary endeavor.”
© 2016 – 2017, Vance Osterhout. All rights reserved.